Normal life

That was incredible. My dear, did you think you came back to the stable path? No way, not in this case.

There were a few days of silence. I wanted to break this and tell him how happy I am he's not in France were he could be in danger. What did I find out? During those days he had been mad at me, cause of 'something'. Stupid reason, as always. So we had a strong, deep conversation. But stupid as well. Conclusions: he doesn't see any sense in wanting to be together, he is far away from me, we cannot meet often, we are going to have thousands of misunderstandings again. I tryied to fight with his ''arguments''. No success. But mainly, I think it wasn't about arguments. He just decided. Nothing could change it. Were was the boy I used to be spending nights together on facebook, when we were both working abroad? Yes, that was another sleepless night spent on talking. But that was much different kind of conversation this time...

The most painful: I guess that was a goodbye chat.

I can say like Adele: ''At least I can say that I tried...''. Last Saturday night I tried everything. No effect. I give up. I seriously give up this time.

That was exactly the day when 6 months before he asked me first time to go with him to the mountains and our relation was started for good.

Again, half a year. All of my more serious relationships finish exactly after a half a year.

On Sunday night he sent me one message, when he was going to bed: ''Isn't your time gone?" (in the meaning my bed time). I replied simply: ''No way, I'm still very timeous''.

I can say that after that more last goodbye (we used to have a few goodbyes) I feel better then before. Cause I know there is no hope left. It helps a lot with healing.

Trying to catch up with all I should have said before

It is not like I am super confident, special etc... I have had a few relationships so far. I can compare this one with the other ones, also with some love stories of my best friends.
This one has been truely special. I have never felt like that.

And to be honest, I can't handle it. It truely overwhelms me.

That was the best love summer story the world has seen. Although it costed me thousands of emotions, sleepless nights, tears... It was the best story in my life. It was?

After bad words, misunderstanding, we met last Sunday. He suggested me he had forgotten about maaaany of situations we had together, like in conversations, about the words he and me said. It was sad.
It's like there are different, new us. I expected we were going to change ourselves during the summer. We really did.

The end? Not really. Cause there are still huge sparks between us. So many smiles. And hugs. And hands' touching. And eyes-contact. This cannot be pretended. We have a big problem with having honest conversations about feelings face to face, but our body moves cannot  cheat.

Monday morning he left to work abroad. 600 kms from here. He got there a job he hadn't expect to have and he has no idea how it's going to be now. They proposed to him to stay there, to finish studies there, have a family in there...

I don't know why I can't get him out of my head. I tried in September, when I was 1000 kms from him, when our contact was dead. But when I came back to the city, the same hour - we met by an accident. Everything collapsed... Later an exchange of a few more words. I was trying to forget, to heal myself... But he was still coming back. He dropped a small message. But that was enough to open wounds anew.

We hate each other, and we fell in love with each other... On Sunday he said he has a sickness, the sickness name is me.

Yesterday he contacted me immidiately to tell me about all that happened to him over there.


We are real friends. That's for sure. But will we ever be able to become someone else?...