It's too hard

I just feel I will never get over it...
Today instead of coming and talking to One I couldn't even stand up from my chair. I felt my face was getting red and my pressure went high. But I couldn't do a movement. Not even one!
I don't know how I'm gonna live now. I wish I felt just nothing. It is all too painful. I'd love just to write to One and talk to. But how? How can I be sure One likes me at all? Maybe all those things I saw were just unreal, all and only imagined by me?
Gosh, why it's so hard for girls? We shouldn't show our feelings too much ;/
Now I really can't talk and hang out with other boys and start to I understand why I'm not totally interested in them. Coz of One.
Two years - I think it's enough to be sure all I wrote.

Life sucks.